I’ll go with you
I heard the words as I was looking out into the garden. I wasn’t really looking at anything, just standing by the window, still in a state of chock after the call I had just received. I had just been told The Salvation Army was sending us back to Denmark. It wasn’t a request, it was an order.
I desperately wanted to talk to Lisbeth, but she was away on a 3 day course and her mobile was switched off, so I was left on my own and with my own thoughts. They were many and confused, not a lot of linear or logical thinking. It was strange, because a week or two earlier I had had this feeling every time I sat down at my desk. No matter what I touched I had the feeling I was finishing it off, that I should get ready to hand it over. I had shared it with Lisbeth, but we finally shrugged it off.
Now it was happening and I was standing by the window. Amidst all my thoughts I asked God what to do, if this was his plan and expressed my concerns, both for trying to finish off, but also for whatever challenges might lie ahead. It was at this point I heard God speak, not an audible voice, but never the less a clear inner voice: Go, I’ll go with you. I would be lying if I said peace overflowed me at that point, but it did give me something to hold on to.
Lisbeth did not call me back before after lunch. I had been for a long walk, passing by the bakery to look for some comfort food, but was now on my way to the office for a meeting. As I was driving I was thinking how I was going to tell her. The phone rang and I pulled the car over. I’ve had a call from the Territorial Commander I began, but before I could continue Lisbeth jumped in: Yes, I know. We are going back to Denmark. In a split second a million thought flew through my head. How could she know? How had anybody reached her before me? The explanation came quickly: God told me this morning.
Lisbeth was at a Spiritual Mentoring course and this morning all participants had been told to go off on their own, try to empty their mind of any thoughts and just ask God to speak to them and he did, at least to Lisbeth. So when she called me, she already knew. All this meant we were very peaceful in midst of a lot of turmoil. Thoughts of how we would get ready to move, how we would handover the projects we were working on, how especially Lukas and Maria would react of course ran through our minds, but at the same time the peace that passes understanding, because God clearly had shown that he would go with us and that he was in all of this.
Since then that peace have been tested, and sometimes even disappeared. Instead of waiting a couple of days, we have now waited more than 4 weeks, and still do not know anything of where we will live, what we will do, where we can find a school for Lukas etc. The way this has been handled has not been the best, to put it mildly. I have begun writing several blogs about it, just to tear up the paper (metaphorically) because all that was coming out was negative and cynical and that is not how I want to be.
I am sure 2 things have kept us going, and more or less sane, through all of this. First the way God spoke to us. We are clinging to that even if things have gone wrong in The Salvation Army’s appointment system, then God is in control and he will never leave us or forsake us. Secondly some people must have been praying for us. I have not been able to pray a lot I must admit. Brief sentences here and there, but not much more than that. Have not been able to concentrate on anything for very long (have watched quite a number of episodes of The West Wing though) – so I am convinced others have carried us in prayer. If you are one of them: God Bless you. We are grateful and thankful for having you in our lives.
During an Easter service, where my mind for once wondered off, God reminded my that The Salvation Army can give and take away appointments, but it is God that gives you a ministry, which might, or might not, be directly related to whatever appointment you end up in. That restored some of my peace. We are not in the hands of fallible humans, who get it wrong sometimes, even with the best of intentions, but we are in God’s hands and know that nothing “will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.
We are still waiting for an update, but have reasons to believe this is the week we will be told. I still have not found answers to how in the world we will handover some of the projects we are just about to launch, but if God is in control, God is in control! A new chapter is about to start. Not quite sure what it will hold, have not read the end of the book either, but we know the author, and that is enough.
God is good – all the time!
